My husband and I have been reading this book called Effective Parenting in a Defective World by Chip Ingram.
If you've never heard or read this book, I highly recommend you read it. As a parent trying to raise my children to love God and how to do that in today's world, this is an excellent resource! You can purchase it here on Amazon for about $10!
While reading this last night, we came across eight essential keys to building a relationship with your children that bond! I am going to include a few of Ingram's eight keys that I believe we most commonly forget and give my own input.
Unconditional Love
This one may seem obvious to us. Of course we love our children unconditionally! But many times, without even realizing it, we send a message to our kids that our love for them is based on their behavior. We praise them only when they do good or make us proud. Instead we should constantly be praising. We should love on them when they seem unlovable-maybe in the teen year when they act like they don't need that love! Say I love you and give hugs after time-out's and let them know you are proud of who they are.
Scheduled Time
In a world where time has become very precious, this is more important to be aware of than ever! Its so easy to schedule time for work, extracurricular activities, time with friends. But do we schedule time with family and our kids with the up-most importance as we do our work? This may sound strange to some because we think if we don't put work above all, we will be letting someone down, but who needs you more than your children? This is one my husband has struggled with more while being in school and working. It's so easy to let other things take over but I pray that we are able to prioritize in a way that builds our family a lasting bond.
Focused Attention
This one really spoke to me! Ingram states in his book, "Focused attention means that your body language says "'I'm interested,'" ..and that you follow up with questions relevant enough to indicate that the conversation has some real value to you." I realized that I so easily forget to do this simple task with my own kids! My two year old is at the age where he repeats the same thing over and over and OVER again. You know what I'm talking about! "Momma, look dog, momma look dog, momma look dog!" I tend to just nod my head and throw in a "uh huh," or "oh I see baby" just to get him to stop repeating those words. It's so important for children to feel like what they are saying is important and the way we communicate with them while they are young is how they will communicate with us as they grow. So get involved, ask questions, and let them know you are interested in what they say.
Meaningful Touch
Hug your kids, kiss them, wrestle with them! Even when they are older and out of the house, let them know you are their safety. Touch is more powerful than I think we give it credit.
Wives, hug and kiss your husbands in front of the kids. They need to see Godly affection in the family. They need not only for you to love them but for you to love and love on your spouse. What they see in their home growing up is what they will practice later on in life as they seek their spouse. They need to see meaningful and loving touch.
Pray Together
Don't let prayer become stagnant. Let it always be meaningful. This is easier said than done. How many of you pray before eating and before bed? Ya I do too. But why? For me, a lot of times it's because that's what I've always done and I should do.
Let prayer be spontaneous. We should pray when we are sad, when we are happy, having fun, or when we are hurting. Ingram says he and his kids pray every time an ambulance goes by or they pass a wreck. He tells his kids that someone is hurting and is in need so they stop what they are doing and pray specifically for that person and their family. How powerful and meaningful is that? To show our kids to think of others and not only ourselves.
These were just five of the eight essential keys to building this lasting bond. These were a few I personally need to work on and ones I feel get swept under the rug as we go, go, go in our fast-paced lives.
So take time to implement these in your lives as your raise Godly children!
What are some other ways you build a special bond with your children?
If you've never heard or read this book, I highly recommend you read it. As a parent trying to raise my children to love God and how to do that in today's world, this is an excellent resource! You can purchase it here on Amazon for about $10!
While reading this last night, we came across eight essential keys to building a relationship with your children that bond! I am going to include a few of Ingram's eight keys that I believe we most commonly forget and give my own input.
Unconditional Love
This one may seem obvious to us. Of course we love our children unconditionally! But many times, without even realizing it, we send a message to our kids that our love for them is based on their behavior. We praise them only when they do good or make us proud. Instead we should constantly be praising. We should love on them when they seem unlovable-maybe in the teen year when they act like they don't need that love! Say I love you and give hugs after time-out's and let them know you are proud of who they are.
Scheduled Time
In a world where time has become very precious, this is more important to be aware of than ever! Its so easy to schedule time for work, extracurricular activities, time with friends. But do we schedule time with family and our kids with the up-most importance as we do our work? This may sound strange to some because we think if we don't put work above all, we will be letting someone down, but who needs you more than your children? This is one my husband has struggled with more while being in school and working. It's so easy to let other things take over but I pray that we are able to prioritize in a way that builds our family a lasting bond.
Focused Attention
This one really spoke to me! Ingram states in his book, "Focused attention means that your body language says "'I'm interested,'" ..and that you follow up with questions relevant enough to indicate that the conversation has some real value to you." I realized that I so easily forget to do this simple task with my own kids! My two year old is at the age where he repeats the same thing over and over and OVER again. You know what I'm talking about! "Momma, look dog, momma look dog, momma look dog!" I tend to just nod my head and throw in a "uh huh," or "oh I see baby" just to get him to stop repeating those words. It's so important for children to feel like what they are saying is important and the way we communicate with them while they are young is how they will communicate with us as they grow. So get involved, ask questions, and let them know you are interested in what they say.
Meaningful Touch
Hug your kids, kiss them, wrestle with them! Even when they are older and out of the house, let them know you are their safety. Touch is more powerful than I think we give it credit.
Wives, hug and kiss your husbands in front of the kids. They need to see Godly affection in the family. They need not only for you to love them but for you to love and love on your spouse. What they see in their home growing up is what they will practice later on in life as they seek their spouse. They need to see meaningful and loving touch.
Pray Together
Don't let prayer become stagnant. Let it always be meaningful. This is easier said than done. How many of you pray before eating and before bed? Ya I do too. But why? For me, a lot of times it's because that's what I've always done and I should do.
Let prayer be spontaneous. We should pray when we are sad, when we are happy, having fun, or when we are hurting. Ingram says he and his kids pray every time an ambulance goes by or they pass a wreck. He tells his kids that someone is hurting and is in need so they stop what they are doing and pray specifically for that person and their family. How powerful and meaningful is that? To show our kids to think of others and not only ourselves.
These were just five of the eight essential keys to building this lasting bond. These were a few I personally need to work on and ones I feel get swept under the rug as we go, go, go in our fast-paced lives.
So take time to implement these in your lives as your raise Godly children!
What are some other ways you build a special bond with your children?